The holidays can be a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness, but for those experiencing grief it can bring up deep emotions that can sometimes be difficult to navigate. Whether you are navigating the loss of a loved one, pet, job or ending of a relationship, grief can feel more pronounced this time of year. Below are some helpful ways you can cope with grief this holiday season:

1) Set Realistic Expectations and Boundaries for Yourself

The holidays can be an extremely busy time full of activities, shopping and social gatherings. When you’re in the midst of grief, these tasks can feel extra overwhelming as the grieving process has a tendency to drain you of your energy. You may not be able to “do it all” this year and that’s okay! Now is the time to give yourself grace and honor your energy limits. You could try:

• Limiting social engagements if you don’t feel up to it.

• Simplifying gift giving traditions.

• Relieving the pressure of entertaining by shifting hosting duties to another family member or opting for a quiet holiday at home.

• Giving yourself grace in the holiday decorating. You may not feel up to decorating this year and that’s okay!

You don’t need to explain or justify your boundaries to others—your well-being comes first. It’s okay to prioritize your mental health and take a step back when you need it. Being realistic about what you can do (and what you can’t) helps reduce stress and prevent burnout.

 

2) Find Meaningful Ways to Honor Your Loved One

Rather than avoiding the absence of your loved one, it could be beneficial to find ways to honor them within your holiday festivities. These could be done amongst your family and friends or by yourself:

• Create a memory ornament.

• Write a memory to your loved one.

• Light a candle for them.

• Set a place for them at the holiday dinner table.

• Share stories about them.

• Create a memory box.

• Engage in activities they loved to do around the holidays.

Although your loved one may not be physically with you, these are ways to honor their spirit and celebrate the impact they had on your life.

 

3) Create a Grief Journal

Journaling can be a powerful tool to process your emotions at this time. Setting aside time to journal is a great way to reflect on your feelings. Perhaps you journal right when you wake up, before bed or when you’re feeling an overwhelming rush of emotions. Below are some prompts to help you get started:

• What emotions am I feeling right now?

• What are the things about the holidays that feel hardest for me right now?

• What memories of my loved one are coming up for me this holiday season?

• What do I need to help myself feel supported today?

• What moments of joy am I feeling this holiday season?

• What am I grateful for?

 

4) Schedule “Grief Time”

Grief can feel extra overwhelming this time of year as it’s hard to predict when your rush of emotions will come. Scheduling specific times where you can reflect and embrace your feelings can be beneficial. You could:

• Reserve Dedicated Quiet Time: Set aside a particular time each day to sit quietly, meditate, reflect, or simply be alone with your emotions. Allow yourself to cry, think about your loved one, or express how you’re feeling without the pressure to move forward.

• Create a Ritual: Setting a candle in the morning or evening, playing their favorite song during a reflective moment, doing an activity that makes you feel connected to them or simply ending your day with watching their favorite tv show could all be ways to connect with your loved one.

• Schedule a Story Time: Although sharing stories can be healing, it can also be difficult to partake in story telling when you’re not in the right headspace. Scheduling a specific time with family and friends to tell stories and surround yourself with memories could be healing for everyone.

 

5) Embrace Joy

Sometimes feeling joy around the holidays can come with unexpected guilt. There may be a thought that feeling happiness will be dishonoring them or that you do not deserve to feel happy without them here. But, embracing joy is part of the healing process. Feeling joy is actually a wonderful way to honor your loved one and you may find you feel closer to their memory by embracing your own happiness. Joy may also feel like a foreign feeling right now and might be difficult to fully embrace. Perhaps you take this time to just notice feelings of joy and be present in it. It is okay if it lasts for a long time or if it is brief. Honoring any feeling that arises will aid in the healing process.

 

6) Practice Self-Care

Now is the time to fully embrace your current self-care practices or be intentional in developing a self-care routine. No act of self-care is too big or too small. Self-care can range from making yourself a morning cup of coffee in your favorite coffee mug to exercising to reading your favorite book. Below are some suggestions of self-care practices:

• Prioritize sleep.

• Limit social media engagement.

• Practice mindfulness and grounding techniques.

• Take a bath.

• Engage in creative activities.

• Exercise.

• Read.

• Journal.

• Meditate.

• Establish a morning or bedtime routine.

Self-care can be anything that makes you feel more grounded and calm. If you are just starting to develop a routine, it may take some time to find your preferred activities. It is also very normal for a self-care practice to feel good one day and not the next. Doing whatever you need to do to prioritize yourself is important during this time.

Moving Through Grief

The most important thing to remember as you cope with grief is that there is no right or wrong way to move through this holiday season. Practicing self-compassion, setting realistic expectations, and taking care of yourself is vital during this time. Grief is not a linear process and everyone moves at their own pace. Even a seemingly small step forward can make a huge difference in the grieving process. Give yourself grace, surround yourself with loved ones, honor your feelings, seek mental health support, and remember, you are not alone in this journey.